Just a segment from my life

Today when deciding what to write about, nothing came to mind. I was going to write about ego or life being a game, but when I began to write about either topic nothing came to mind. I believe the reason is that they were just components to an overall topic which many do not have the privy to know about. A topic that stays hidden so well that which you think you know is probably twisted in a way that the truth is not revealed, just tarnished and stained into what you believe. The only topic that is truly mine, my life. Right now I don't know if my ego is clouding my decisions or am I just following destiny. I'm starting to realize that the only way you can determine your life is by doing what you want to do. You listen to the advice people give you but in the end you make a decision that you feel is the best for you because no matter what people believe is right you will be the one that enjoys the sun or puts an umbrella up for the rain. Many times people seem to forget that it's your life. They give suggestions that would be applicable only if they were in your shoes. They don't see the parts of the situation which you don't show them or feel the emotions that you don't reveal. All they know is the outer layer, the layer where you keep it together, the layer that you have the most control over, the layer that doesn't matter. Who cares if you seem sane and content, if on the inside you are one step away from going off the edge. The “wisest” people don't realize that the more they tell you what to do the more they are pushing you closer to the edge of an abyss that you can not come back from. A place where your darkest outlook exists. A place where the rest of the world does not matter, there is only you. A place I leave and revisit like an addicted gambler stuck at a craps table. He knows this next roll may destroy his life but this next roll could be the “big one”. This is what keeps him going, that feeling that this next move will get his life back in order, where all his misfortunes will seem worth it, where he can wake up and think “today is a great day”.
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